Another End Times Swami (and How Not to Write a Press Release)

Posted By on January 17, 2012

I received the following press release in my email today (no, I don’t recall subscribing). Another prophecy researcher who will set everything straight. He could start with the person who wrote this terrible press release (or perhaps have decided not to write it himself). It misspells the author’s name (twice) and has other grammatical and usage errors. (Granted, I make mistakes, too, since I write what I write in a hurry, or it’s only a draft –  but a press release *for a book* needs to be perfect.) Since I don’t know what astounding insights with which he’s blessing us, I can’t (yet) nominate him for the Harold Camping Bunkagesis award.  But it looks like an early possibility. I’ll just settle for grading the release (F).

Here’s the press release with my “grading notes” in blue:

(PR NewsChannel) / January 17, 2012 / ANN ARBOR, Mich./ The discussion of “end times” and Armageddon has been a prevalent topic [Should read: “have been prevalent topics” since end times and Armageddon are not the same items.] of conversation for some time. In his book “Ortho-Millennialism: Bringing Order to End-Time Chaos” (ISBN 1463773412), Reverend Gerald Haug [Note the spelling – “Haug”; this one is correct, assuming his signature is correct. It will be misspelled below, two times.] attempts to correct misconceptions that religious practices [How is a practice able to have a misconception?]  have in regards [regard] to end-time [end times, for consistency] doctrine.

Haug’s book presents a systematic way for studying the historical, literary and cultural contexts that should be understood when interpreting biblical prophecy [This is hardly novel – it’s called “hermeneutics”]. His book is dissected into five sections [When you “dissect” something you take it apart without implying orderly arrangement of the parts, while suggesting minute detail; the word does not suggest the creation of large sections. Just use “divided” for clarity.] that help readers progress through the proper biblical interpretation, the background of Christ and the books of Daniel and Revelation.

Haug claims that many modern Christians are misunderstanding how the Rapturewill happen. Many think the Second Coming [The capitalization here is only appropriate to an audience that is thinking in specific terms; I guess I can let it pass.] is an Earth burning and heaven melting [these adjectival phrases need hyphenation] event. Haug wants to clear up the confusion, wrong thinking and wrong doctrine [Overuse of “wrong” and the symmetry of the nouns [two suggest mental activity, one does not] leaves something to be desired.] regarding the end times that have infiltrated [“Permeated” would be more appropriate; “infiltrate” implies sinister intelligence. He is suggesting a lack of intelligence in this “wrong” thinking.] the church throughout the past century. [Only the past century?]

Huag [author name misspelled] believes that, like ancient Jews, modern-day [use “modern”] Christians may be repeating history by expecting Jesus to set up an earthly kingdom like Caesar’s. Huag [author name misspelled again] argues that both groups have made similar mistakes when looking for signs and interpreting scripture.

Haug wants to empower and challenge believers through his book and through the Bible. He also argues the Rapture dating of Harold Camping and the false end of time speculations and predictions by many television preachers. [The preceding is the worst sentence in the release; it never tells us WHAT he argues; it’s a fragment.] Haug feels [Does he provide an answer or not – or just “feel” like he does?] that he provides an answer on how modern Israel should be viewed from what he believes to be a proper biblical perspective. [Re-read this sentence and its over-qualifiers; awkward and milk-toasty. A press release should sell the reader on the book, not sound tentative.]

“Ortho-Millennialism: Bringing Order to End-Time Chaos” is available for sale online at and other channels.

About the Author: Reverend Gerald Haug started his collegiate studies at the age of 16, earning two degrees from Michigan State University, a master’s from the University of Michigan and his doctorate from the Georgia Institute of Technology. Haug has been employed as a computer hardware and software consultant for numerous companies including Bell Labs, IBM and EDS. During his studies, Haug underwent a search for truth, becoming at various times a Communist, Buddhist and an Existentialist. He is currently a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God with his wife and is actively teaching international students in the United States, China and Russia. [In other words, a smart guy who isn’t a biblical scholar. Honestly, you really *do* learn a lot in graduate school in biblical studies. I know I did (and I had a lot to learn). But the Bible is perceived as one of those books everybody can understand or teach without rigorous training (all that book learnin’). It was written for everyone, right? I hope he wasn’t the person who wrote the press release. When you give out a personal email and what looks to be a home phone number, and when you are your own media contact, that becomes quite possible. But if it was someone else, they should be fired for this mess.]

Gerald Haug
Phone:             (517) 898-3912


About The Author


20 Responses to “Another End Times Swami (and How Not to Write a Press Release)”

  1. Dave says:

    I find it interesting that nowhere in the press release or website can you find out what Haug/Huag/whatever believes to be the widely-accepted “heresy” (context leads me to believe premillennialism) or what his own position actually is.

    Also, you went past grammar-Nazi to word-choice-Nazi. I’m almost afraid to comment on your blog now!

  2. kennethos says:

    Ortho-mill? Oh, man, not another position! I’m just getting used to being “pan” mill!

  3. Josh says:

    I get the feeling/impression from a few of the comments that Haug’s earth shattering end-time revolution is simply preterism.

    Although I must confess I do like the name Ortho-millenialism. I find Amillenialism to be a rather unfortunate, inaccurate, and really insufficient description.

  4. Doug O says:

    Maybe he had one of his international (non-English speaking) students write this. When I was in graduate school (studying History), I read some poorly-written papers from undergrads, and (theoretically) they already spoke English! At any rate, one would think that MS Word would have picked up the fragment. You sure it’s not from The Onion?

    Now wouldn’t that be funny… a Christian version of The Onion…?

    • MSH says:

      interested in writing for a Christian version of the Onion? I actually did that for about a year when I was in grad school – produced a satirical website directed at wacky stuff in the Christian orbit (kind of like the Wittenburg Door or the Ship of Fools blog). I thought my most inspired piece was the one where a biblical scholar found the lyrics to “Louie, Louie” in the Bible code. I’d love to do that again.

  5. I wish you could hear how hard I’m laughing right now. As someone who does quite a bit of writing, I am often blown away by the quality (specifically the lack thereof) of “professional” writing that I see on the Internet. This one, in particular, was a gem. Thank you for sharing this ridiculous piece of writing.

  6. Bob Bekman says:

    Man I just had to reply to this! Pulled following quotation from the Web address:

    As a consequence of addressing these 12 topics in detail, the book includes a complete commentary of the apocalyptic sections of Daniel and the whole of Revelation. It is the first and only book to provide a complete framework for understanding the end times.

    Regarding the last sentence: Some would regard the BIBLE as being that “first and only book”. Just saying…..
    And thanks for keeping us all current on this stuff!

  7. John says:

    “But the Bible is perceived as one of those books everybody can understand or teach without rigorous training (all that book learnin’). It was written for everyone, right?”

    This is why, when I volunteer to lead a class for the adults at my church, I spend all day getting the lesson prepared, checking sources, doing word studies, etc. I’ve not been to seminary and I don’t have rigorous training in languages and history, so I work hard to make sure that what I’m saying in class is as close to correct as I can possibly get.

    I believe the Bible is certainly a book that all people can read and understand, but we who teach must exercise great care in presenting it to others, as we help them work through difficult passages, explain the culture, history, and all that. In this age, with so many tools available at the click of a mouse (including the writings of Dr. Heiser!), we are without excuse.

    All that being said…Rapture. Oy.

    “During his studies, Haug underwent a search for truth, becoming at various times a Communist, Buddhist and an Existentialist. He is currently a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God”

    –and next week he might switch to something else? Did he ever find truth or is he still looking for it? Yeesh. Even the bio is badly written.

  8. Anna says:

    Would anyone care to hear from the ex-wife? Oh, you didn’t know I existed??!

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